In Defence of the Blackberry

In Defence of the Blackberry

 A couple of months ago I told a grade 9 class that I had a confession to make. I held my breath, reached into my bag and withdrew my Blackberry 9320. A collective gasp reverberated through the classroom, as if I had confessed something unthinkable, such as hating the new Beyoncé album or being a Trump supporter or that I was from East London. I detected pity in some eyes, as if they were thinking "wow, I didn't realise the struggle of teachers was that real." My students are not the only ones who have expressed their horror at my Blackberry use. A friend said jokingly (though perhaps not-so-jokingly) that he didn't know if he could be friends with someone who had a Blackberry. I've even had offers of donations of phones from concerned friends who are due for upgrades.

But for now, I am quite happy to keep my antiquated Blackberry and I'm not the only one. According to Inside Blackberry, Blackberry users hang on to their phones longer than any device owners, "an average of 32 months" while "other smartphone owners go through their devices like paper towels - iPhone users upgrade every 25 months."

Here's why my relationship with my Blackberry is going on three years.

Firstly, there's the issue of safety. Not even the thugs in De Waterkant are going to be interested in appropriating my phone. "Give us your phone...uh...eish never mind". I could leave it on a table at a restaurant, or on a counter in a crowded bar, and it would still be there when I got back.

Secondly, a Blackberry is pretty robust. It fits snuggly into any pocket and if it does happen to fall out of said pocket, its screen is unlikely to shatter like other apparently fragile devices.

Thirdly, it is a highly cost-effective option for communication. I am quite content to pay R59 a month for BIS while the rest of you have to sign up for medical experiments to pay off your astronomical cell phone bills.

Fourthly, my data on BIS is unlimited. So when you bitches run out of data I'll still be merrily sharing Game of Thrones memes on WhatsApp and updating my Facebook status with photos of me sipping on a strawberry daiquiri (which I can actually still afford to be drinking long before pay day thanks to my R59 a month Blackberry).

Fifthly, A Blackberry's battery life is arguably longer than most phones because it doesn't have a million apps updating constantly (and draining data like a ravenous vampire). My phone's battery can last an entire day without needing to be recharged. 

Finally, Blackberrys may be the antithesis of trendy but this could in fact make them the next must-have phone, especially among hipsters. According to Urban Dictionary, "hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20s and 30s that value independent thinking, counter-culture that reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers...it is part of the hipster central dogma not to be influenced by mainstream advertising and media." How more anti-mainstream can you get than a Blackberry? Mark my words, soon hipsters will be buying Blackberrys, along with vinyl and vintage clothing, and texting away on the super retro keyboards while they munch away on organic kale chips.

So make fun of me all you like. I'm simply ahead of the next big retro trend.